About My Happy Bowl – 1

There were crucial moments this year where I thought, “Screw with this, I want to have something else”. I had an OK job for the past 5,5 years and even it was not my dream job or my passion it was a nice job and I had nice colleagues or thought that they were. When I was back from my maternity leave, I’d really tried my best to adapt again but somehow it did not work out well. Too many changes and lack of support, and after 10 months I finally said…fuck this, i quit. I don’t deserve this, I deserve something better!

Of course, there were mediation and discussion before i said i quit. And, also a lot of tears and heartaches. It has been a learning curve for me and i am glad i was brave to say enough is enough and i was not afraid jumping into an oblivion, called unemployment.

I strongly believe that i always have  an option. My option were two, either to be in a shit hole and mop the entire time and feel pity to myself but get money, OR, embrace the freedom take control in my hands and get creative. I don’t want to be sad anymore, because my life is a JOY. My baby is so cute and healthy, and I have a supportive and handsome husband who believes in my capacity as a clever and creative woman. I am blessed! So, this spiral of negativity is really an unnecessary burden I need to get rid of.

I am now in a process of getting my shit together, and slowly I am feeling my old self again and..but I really take my time. I don’t want to force myself at all, and just go with the flow.

Let's have a cake and a cup of good coffee :)

Let’s have a cake and a perfect cup of coffee 🙂

 

Someone sent me this video, my heart got all warm from watching it. I want to dedicate this video to all of you supermoms and superwomen out there who feel miserable in your current situation, don’t know the meaning of all the shitty things that happen in your life at this moment, or that you feel you are stuck in a rut. But you are not! believe me, you always have a choice. And now those things are shitty but in the future maybe they are not at all, we just need to open our eyes wider and be positive about it.

Enjoy the video ladies xx

You Can’t Buy Happiness But You Can Buy A Cake

Ga terasa sudah hampir memasuki bulan Juli…Lama sekali enggak nulis, kadang kangen nulis tapi ada aja yang menghalangi inspirasi. Life is…good in a way. Tarou hampir mau ulang tahun yang pertama, oh dear…Yeah. Waktu terasa sangat cepat berjalan. Gue sangat menikmati waktu bersama si kecil, walau jujur kadang jenuh namun selalu aja cepat lupa rasa itu setiap liat tingkah dan polah si kecil. Sekarang dia sudah mau belajar jalan, pinter ngoceh dan bercerita dengan bahasa planet nya, pintar joget setiap dengar musik, dan masih banyak lagi.

Gue belajar banyak banget dari peristiwa selama setahun ini. Dan saat ini keadaan gue alive and kicking but still, life can be better. Tapi ga usah manyun, soalnya gada guna nya. I just want to spread some positive vibrations. Karena banyak sekali yang harus gue syukurin semua yang Tuhan sudah kasih ke gue.

Hope you all like these pictures below!

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Yang lewat kawasan WTC di Amsterdam Zuid pasti suka liat papan ini yang selalu terpampang di depan sebuahcafe hehe. I like it a lot!

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Facepaint

Gue iseng ikut workshop Facepainting. Ini hasil karya ibu guru nya sih hasil karya gue cemen banget, tapi gue suka buangeett! Sekarang lagi giat berlatih. Kali aja bisa dijadiin side job hahaha! 😀

imageBeberapa waktu silam gue dikasih surprise sama J menginap di sebuah spa hotel di Leiden. Nginep 3 hari 2 malam tanpa Tarou dan tanpa suami! 😀 wah bisa tidur sampai siang, lalu J juga reservasi pijet dan facial buat gue, alamaakk mimpi apaaa ikke? hihi. Akhirnya setelah puas dipijet, gue memutuskan untuk jalan2 ke botanical garden di Leiden yang namanya De Hortus. Liat2 tanaman, duduk di pinggiran kolam, dan menikmati nyanyian burung di taman. Ah, indahnya. Keesokan hari nya gue sempat jalan2 di deretan butik2 eksentrik dan minum kopi dengan damainya tanpa harus “nangkepin” bayi yang suka merangkak atau minum kopi buru buru karena si kecil mau nya jalan2. Hahaha. Those precious times in life…harus diresapin lah 🙂

Soalnya, KAPAN LAGI???? lol.

About Getting Back to Work

I did not imagine or who would have thought that getting back to work would be such a hard thing to do. Especially after being off from work more than 7 months. People forget about you, and new habits are created, your boss changed, and someone replaced your function.

To establish myself after such a long leave was really tough. I wonder if other working moms also feel the same. I do not browse or read forums, I just want to try my best first to really be honest and to understand my position from my own perspective. Honestly, I feel sometimes lonely because I don’t have good friends (working moms) whom I can share this topic with over a cup of coffee. I finally talked about this with some colleagues who became mothers at the same time I did and with partners of my husband’s friends. They were all so nice and super supportive. Sometimes I just need to vent, and then I would feel much much better afterwards.

Things would be probably better if I were not such a perfectionist. I want to be good in all aspects.. So when things do not go as I want it to be, I would feel really annoyed and down. People at work seem to forget about me, it is because when I left, they stayed. Their life did not change, mine did. They kept going to work, their tasks needed to be done, etc. So when I was back to work, I expected that they would scream hey you’re back! I miss you and so glad you are back now. Well, they did in a way. They were happy to see me and asked for baby pictures and such. But then my replacement seemed to already know her way around and people who I worked with are used to have her and I was there just watching. She taught me how things were done after I had left. It was really nice of her. I knew it would come like this but still, it was still pretty hard for myself to get my groove back on in my job.

Now a month later, I kinda sorted it already. I am still searching the best way though and trying to change my mindset but at least now I know now what to do. And as for my private life, I am still finding my way in juggling between being a new mom and a partner. I told my mother in-law, how I am now learning to juggle like Dutch women. Growing up, my mom chose to be a career woman and she had many helps at home, she never did things all by herself. We had nannies and helpers. While my mom was away we were at home with our nannies and my grandma cooked meals, helpers cleaned the house and did chores. So I did not have any role model. I honestly did not know what to do if I had a baby here in the Netherlands. Then little T came along, and things turn out just fine. I underestimate myself. My body seems to know what to do, and my mother instinct works out well. At this stage, I am so happy that I am healthy. That is why I work out and eat well, because my family needs me!

I really want to hear women out there, and their stories about getting back to work again. How do you do that? What are your struggles? How do you cope with it??

I have so much admiration for mothers, and this post is not about how hard it is to be a working mom. Moms are moms. I respect your personal choice whether you stay at home or not. I think it’s just petty when women argue about that topic. Mothers out there must support each other 🙂

What to Expect When You Are Expecting

Berasa kayak mau nge-review filem dengan berjudul sama, tapi enggak loh sodara-sodara. Udah janji-janji mau ngeblog sering2 pas hamil tapi apa daya iman lemah dan kemauan cetek. Ga terasa bentar lagi udah semakin mendekati Brojol Day. Gue cuma mo cerita dikit tentang pengalaman hamil gue diantara pereu pereu bule di sini. Homesick banget deh selama hamil ini, cuma kualat banget gue bukan nya homesick sama rumah dan ortu gue homesick sama temen-temen cewek gue yang cewawakan dan bermulut somplak. Kangen sama spa dan pijet murah di Indonesia, kangen sama makanan – makanan kotor abang abang kaki lima dan jajanan anak SD. Kalo inget kayaknya mau guling – gulingan di rumput huhuhu!

Alesan gue kangen sama temen-temen cewek gue (temen kuliah, anak kelas Jerman) adalah kebocoran dan kejujuran mereka. Nah, selama kehamilan ini gue sok berani ikutan pertemuan emak-emak hamil di klinik bidan gue. Bidan disini namanya Verloskundigen, nah mereka tuh kayak klinik gitu, semua perempuan hamil ditanganin nya sama bidan dan bukan sama dokter kandungan atau sama Ob/gyn. Hanya perempuan yang kehamilannya bermasalah berat baru ditanganin sama Ob/gyn. Nah salah satu program baru dari klinik bidan gue yang jaraknya cuma sejengkal dari apartemen kita adalah Centering Pregnancy (CP) yang asalnya dari Amrik. Gampangnya adalah, pertemuan ibu – ibu hamil buat ngebahas masalah kehamilan dan tuker pengalaman dan di setiap pertemuan pasti di moderatorin sama 2 bidan. Diadain 1 bulan sekali dan peserta nya kurang lebih ada 10 orang. Jadi sebelum program CP ini diadakan, di klinik gue setiap ibu hamil punya jatah sebulan sekali buat control dan tanya jawab sama bu bidan, dan cuma dijatah 15 menit aja. Di CP kita punya 1,5 jam jadi puas banget deh ngoceh2 sampe jedir bibir nya. Pertemuan dimulai dengan games, dan kita semua duduk membuat lingkaran dan setelah games ada tanya jawab. Pertemuan diakhiri dengan mengukur tensi darah, berat badan, cek jantung bayi dan mengukur keadaan perut ibu.

Di CP ini rata-rata orang Belanda semua, well..orang Belanda maksud nya bule Belanda, Suriname, dan Antilles yang semuanya bahasa ibu nya adalah bahasa Belanda. Gue sebenernya males kumpul-kumpul karena gue males pergi ke pertemuan-pertemuan kayak gini dan gue kadang gak nyambung sama perempuan bule. Tapi berhubung gue pengen belajar banyak di kehamilan pertama, ya udah lah ikutan aja siapa tau kan banyak manfaat yang bs diambil.

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First Post in 2015 .. Whaatt?! :)

Postingan pertama di tahun 2015! Halooo apa kabar bloggers?  Telat ya kalo mau ngucapin happy new year hehehe…

Pertama, break dari blog kemaren di isi dengan liburan singkat ke Yunani selama 6 hari di musim panas (akhir). Lumayan bisa leyeh-leyeh di pantai, keliling pulau naek scooter dan gosong. Hiking sampe mau pengsan ke atas bukit trus digonggongin anjing, dan lari terbirit-birit. Makan seafood sepuas nya, dan memanjakan mata dengan indah nya laut biru turkis dan alam yang indah. Baca buku di pinggir pantai sambil minum limun dingin…sedaaaap.

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{ pemandangan dari balkon hotel mungil kami }

Sepulangnya dari Yunani, kita punya banyak banget rencana. Antara lain rencana nabung buat ngewujudin cita-cita petualangan kita dan nyari kerjaan baru. Sejak awal summer kita sudah mulai rajin hiking walau medan hiking cemen, tapi kita niat buat meneruskan hobi baru kita dan berpetualang ke Asia tahun depan. Destinasi masih ragu antara ke Bhutan-Nepal atau malah ke Mongolia. But one thing for sure, kita udah siap fisik dan mental juga buat pergi lama. Ninggalin kucing-kucing nakal kita ke mertua dan hotel kucing kalo perlu. Petualangan kita kalo semua diijinkan bakal terlaksana di 2015.

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{ desa nelayan }

Sebulan berlalu dan kita makin excited with the idea. Until one day, 2 hari setelah ulang tahun gue yang ke 31…kita dikejutkan oleh hasil test pack yang positif. Bener bener kado ultah yang terindah!

Reaksi pertama KAGET…TAKUT..lalu nangis emosional, ya ampun beneran nih? Buat gue ini sesuatu yang amazing banget. Gue kira ini bakal lagi-lagi harapan kosong dan buang-buang duit beli test pack kayak bulan-bulan dan tahun-tahun sebelumnya…Kirain gue bakal susah banget dapet baby karena udah nyoba 2 tahun lebih kok ga jadi jadi adonannya ya. Dan akhirnya jadi cuek aja dan enjoy my life as it is. Males juga ngoyo bikin stress. Suami gue juga 11-12 dan bahkan lebih cuek dari gue, tapi entah beberapa minggu sebelum kita liburan ke Yunani dia bilang sama gue..sayang, gue pengen deh kita punya anak. Gue rasa kita bakal jadi orang tua yang baik buat anak kita. Oke lah mas suami, jangan berharap terlalu banyak ya. Dia bilang lagi, well..gue juga mau adopsi anak kalo kita emang gak beruntung untuk bisa bikin anak sendiri kok. Ternyata Tuhan denger doa kami and now I am 18 weeks pregnant. I am so blessed and I can’t stop smiling !

Gak lama kita berdua disibukkan sama urusan dedek bayi, seperti ke bidan, kasih tau ortu ttg berita bahagia, control ke rumah sakit buat cek darah, cari daycare buat dedek sejak sekarang, dll. Lalu suatu siang ketika kita berdua lagi weekend away di Jerman, gue bilang sama suami…yak, tampaknya petualangan kita tahun depan bakal diganti sama petualangan hidup beneran ya, schat? Gak jadi ke Mongolia tapi diganti dengan sesuatu yang lebih lagi, lebih rollercoaster, lebih butuh tanggung jawab…yakni, be parents.

Minggu depan adalah USG terakhir kami (jatah dari asuransi) dan saat dimana kita tahu gimana kondisi medis dan if we’re lucky, gender si baby ini. Exciting! Selama gue hamil gue gak kasih tau banyak orang tentang kehamilan gue. Dan gue cenderung jadi hermit alias jadi sangat tertutup. Gak banyak cerita dan males ngasih tau orang kalo gue hamil. Kayaknya jadi protektif gitu.

Lalu soal nyari kerjaa baru pun harus ditunda, karena hamil. Ga praktis aja sih, mending stay di kerjaan ini dan manfaatin maternity leave gue. Sebenernya, gue juga gatau musti nyari job apa juga. Yang jelas gue ngerasa kayaknya karir gue udah stuck. Sempet interview di sebuah stasiun televisi tapi kok kayaknya kerjaannya ya sama aja. Untungnya gue belum dapet job baru, sehingga gue bisa dengan mudahnya merencanakan cuti dan asiknya lagi tetep dibayar selama cuti 😀

Kehamilan gue biasa aja, mual kayak kebanyakan ibu hamil…MUAL BANGET.  Gue juga sering banget bobok, capek muluk, makan angot-angotan. Soal makan ini kadang bikin sedih banget karena pengen banget makan masakan Indonesia aseli, dan selera sama siomay tiba-tiba melonjak tajam dan gue jadi homesick abis-abisan. Selidik punya selidik gue suka banget sama kentang selama kehamilan ini, selain kentang, kesukaan gue makan sambel karena kayaknya makin menggila karena sambel tuh bikin gue “hidup”. Segala macem kentang pasti ludes kecuali kentang goreng dari restoran fast food,  karena mengandung MSG bikin gue sakit kepala. Alhasil suami rajin banget masak potato dishes 🙂

Selain makan, problem kehamilan lainnya adalah bergerak. Karena bawaannya capek, lesu dan ngantuk, gue ga pernah lagi olahraga. Tapi semenjak minggu lalu gue akhirnya muak sama ke non-mobilitas-an gue, hehehe. Akhirnya ikut kelas prenatal yoga deket kantor. Seminggu sekali ikut kelas nya setelah pulang kerja, dan 2x seminggu practice di rumah. Selain yoga, gue jadi sering juga power walk setelah lunch di Vondelpark yang letaknya persis sebelahan sama kantor gue. Senengnya kerja di pusat kota adalah semua praktis dan mau kemana aja gampang! 😀 .. Soal ngidam gue gak ngidam juga sih. Paling kebayang pengen makan ketoprak, bubur ayam abang-abang atau bubur ayam Cikini, atau mie ayam. Kalo pengen ketoprak gue tau tempat dimana bisa beli ketoprak lumayan enak di Amsterdam…nah kalo bubur ayam abang-abang/Cikini gue nyerah deh…hehe..Mie ayam gampang lah bikin sendiri. Alhamdulillah si dedek ga nyusahin mama papa nya. Tapi gue rasa sih masalah ngidam ini bakal berkelanjutan di bulan berikutnya hehehe…

Pengennya sih sering update-update blog. Cuma lagi hamil gini dan kerja full-time, kayaknya udah sukur gue bisa update sebulan sekali :((( . Pulang kerja, belanja, masak, istirahat, yoga (kalo masih ada nyawa), abis itu mandi trus bobok. Repeat 5 times ! tapi kalo ada waktu gue pengen sempetin deh ngeblog tentang kehamilan gue, supaya bisa dibaca-baca lagi nanti, ya kan 🙂 So far itu aja kali ya berita nya. See you in next post yah…

Book Review: The Freaky Teppy by Stephany Josephine aka Teppy!

First of all, sorry Teppy for taking so long for me to publish the book review 😦 Soalnya gue nunggu saat yang tepat dimana gue bisa ambil foto dengan background Amsterdam di kala cerah Tep hehehe.

Senengnya gue pas nerima paket berisi bukunya Teppy di kotak pos. Lumayan lama deh nunggu nya tapi akhirnya dateng jugaaa. Kebayar juga rasa penasaran gue karena bukunya di tanda tanganin by Miss Teppy herself..ya iya Tep kali aja loe ntar bersanding sama Mike Lewis trus jadi beken banget. Mayan deh kali aja buku loe bisa gue lelang! hihihi *matre*

Pertama buka buku, gue baca dulu dong review nya orang – orang kondang tentang buku ini, alias para endorsers semacam Uli Herdinansyah, Ernest Prakasa, dll.

Teppy nulis dengan bahasa yang ngalir kayak temen loe lagi curhat di samping loe. Dimulai dari perjalanan dia sejak masih SMA, kuliah, ngajar anak TK, magang sampe kerja beneran. Dari cinta monyet yang naif bener (ya ampun Tep loe dangdut bangeeett pake acara nyatetin buat pacar segala) sampe cinta bertepuk pundak sama bos nya pas dia magang. Dari mati matian ngejer deadline tugas kuliah yang bener bener berani mati sampe hampir aja mati gara gara naek bus laknat demi nonton band idola di Dieng! Dan, obsesi sang Penulis kepada Mike Lewis yang semoga aja berbalas, semua bikin buku ini menarik banget buat dibaca.

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Knowing Yourself Better

There is one thing I am trying to get better at. Communicating my feelings toward people when I feel upset, disappointed or hurt. There is an easy way that I have been perpetually doing, which seems the best way for me but not particularly to others. A way that is easy and convenient for me. But what do you learn if you always do the easy way? I am getting OK at it now but it can always be better. If I feel hurt, I’d try to talk to the person who hurts my feelings, and tell that person what’s bothering me instead of keeping my mouth shut and pondering on it.

If I feel restless and anxious, I’d try to figure out what’s bothering me and get to the bottom of it. I try not to reflect myself on other people and I am very happy that I see some improvements.

54f0795e91abaa4e0791222d37748dcb{ zen room }

 

Sometimes I get more upset than I actually am. But actually when I give myself a time-out, open and be honest to myself, I will realize that I get upset from bottling up problems…Sometimes my body is telling me, for instance; all of a sudden I’d get a headache , or cramps, or feel sick. And during the zen moment I create, I will have the time to evaluate what’s happening and come to a conclusion that it’s all pure psychology . I usually am nervous about something, or upset, or .. anything. Once it’s figured out I would feel much better. It is all connected, our body and mind.

It is an art of knowing yourself better, which I find really fascinating and I am really determined to be wiser by learning this “art” in coming years.