Hello world…jeezz I haven’t updated this blog for months! Time flies when you have a baby huh. I owe you (and myself) my birth story. Yes, I gave birth to a wonderful and the most handsome boy in the world, Hatarou on July 22. We are so delighted to finally welcome him to this world!
THE LAST WEEKS
The last weeks of my pregnancy were very uncomfortable. I began to have Braxton-Hicks contractions since week 36 and was very very tired. I thought, OK, this baby will come earlier than expected if it continues like this…but week 39 had passed, then week 40 too…I began to feel anxious, because I had been preparing myself for the labor and was so ready for it but my body kept giving false signals. When week 40 passed by, I started feeling very frustrated and sad, I just wanted to have my baby in my arms..and it was killing me. My belly looked like it was going to explode! I spent my week by walking around the neighborhood and relaxing at home. I’d gained 13 kg at that point but to cheer myself up I ate what I want…cakes, ice cream, more cakes, chips, burgers,…I was a monster for a couple of days lol. During my last weeks I was so mean to my husband, mostly because I was feeling really frustrated. I am sorry hubby! xxx
It was Saturday, July 18, I was really annoyed because tomorrow would be my 41 week. Our house was spic and span, I cleaned all nook and cranny in the house and J had cooked meals and stored it in the freezer. To please myself, I walked around our flat, and went up and down the emergency stairs. I even went grocery shopping and then went to our apartment taking stairs all the way to the 6th floor. I MADE IT! 🙂 At night I felt very uncomfortable, my belly hurt and baby kicked me so hard and he was really restless. It was really painful.
At 5 AM on Sunday July 19, my water broke…and at 6 AM I had real contractions. The midwife popped in in the afternoon to check upon me but soon it was obvious my contractions were very irregular. She advised me to have a relax day and to come by to the hospital tomorrow first thing in the morning. We did, but they sent me home. No dilation, so I should come back tomorrow. But at 1 AM we were back in the hospital already and checked in, because I felt that the contractions came more regular this time. They gave us a huge room, and I immediately felt at ease and tried to have some rest. You never know when the time comes right? But I couldn’t I was too tensed…
At 7 AM on Tuesday July 21, I was induced since the water broke more than 24 hours ago and still there was no significant dilation. We were pumped things finally took off…a couple of hours after that I was 3 cm dialated…and 3 hours later I was 4 cm dialated. Thing moved so slowly I was so exhausted and the contractions got harder, more painful and unstoppable. In the meantime we did not sleep for more than 24hrs. So tired! After got induced more than 10 hours I was kaputt, I asked for epidural. The process went so bothersome after the 4th trial they finally got it right! My spine hurt like hell! But at least I was on drugs now so I could sleep.
At 11 PM I still did not have full dilation. I was 7 cm dialated at this point, and soon it would be my 3rd day at the hospital. At 2 AM doctors came in and strongly suggested for a C-section. I was so exhausted and had no power what so ever, I broke in tears. I had visualized how this labor would be, and a C-section was not in it. I felt that I failed, and man..I was so sad and crushed from inside. I had been in pain for days and no natural birth?! I’d dreamt of natural birth, I read tons of articles about it, I wanted to breastfeed my baby soon after, and I wanted that magical sensation you get by giving birth naturally. I never ever thought about a C-section labor! Ever. I felt my body cheated on me and I was so pissed off! But after discussing it with J, we actually did not have any option. If we waited longer, it would be dangerous for me and for my baby, and I did not want to jeopardize my baby’s health. 20 minutes later I was already in the OR, and the process took 15 minutes. The whole time my dearest and beloved husband was always next to me, rubbed my back, gave me sweet words, and was so helpful. I think I could not get through it without him by my side.
Then on Wednesday, July 22 at 04.28, Hatarou J. H (Tarou) was born! He cried sooo loooouudd me and J we could not believe that it was over, our wait was over!!! He was here…Oh my I could not describe how relieved I was, how happy and ecstatic I was!!! He was perfect. It was the BEST FEELING EVER!!! Hatarou was born in Amsterdam, he weighed 3.875 gr, and he was too big to pass the birth canal, so it was the perfect decision to have a cesarian. J went with the nurse to clean Tarou and to cuddle him since I could not do that, doctors were still stitching me…*sigh* The whole time they were stitching me I bursted in tears. I wanted to have my baby in my arms!!
We spent 6 days in total in the hospital. If I think about it, it was just a blur memory. I was drugged and groggy, had epidural for 72 hours, and there were lots of medical checks involved, I do not like to talk about it much. Maybe that’s why I was not fully there the first weeks after giving birth. People say it was baby blues. For me, it was not baby blues. It was just too much, the wait, the hospital, all doctors and nurses, medicines,….I did not bond with Tarou as quickly as I first had imagined, because my body and mind was still recovering from the labor and before I was fully recovered I had to nurse! at this point I was on a survival mode. It took a toll on me. so we waited before we telling people about Tarou’s birth. We all needed a lot of rest.
Thank goodness 3 weeks post-partum I felt like myself again and I eventually realized how blessed I was, my baby was so healthy! I chose to breastfeed and luckily this time I was in control of it. It is a risky business, breastfeeding, but I manage it! After we came back from hospital, it was normal here in the Netherlands to get some help from a post-partum nurse and the cost were covered by the insurance (Kraamzorg, the nurse is called Kraamverzorgster). The nurse was an Indonesian lady, she was a God sent! She took care of us, cleaned the house, cooked for us and many more for 6 days long.
Many of my (Indonesian) friends asked me why we didn’t invite my parents to come over so they could help us out? We chose this because we wanted to do it ourselves, having a child for me maybe only happen once in my life and we wanted this experience to be special, done by me and my husband. We wanted to figure out this parenting stuff by ourselves 🙂
My husband is amazing, I love him so much, but after this, my love went up to the next level! I could not imagine to go through this without him beside me. He was so patient and he kept calm even though he later told me that it scared the hell out him, when I was taken to the OR and laying there on the operation table. He took care of me and the baby also the house for 7 weeks. I was not allowed to do chores, lift things, or even cook, so he did all that. My in-laws were amazing too. They were so hands-on, they looked after me when hubby had night shifts for his work, and they regularly kept me company with the little one. My father in-law even sometimes helped with the laundry, mum cooked the best pasta dish and made super healthy salads for me. I am so grateful to have these wonderful people in my life.
Sometimes I still cannot believe it that we have a baby!! Tarou is an amazing baby, he is very healthy, active, funny and very smart. He is so cheerful and a happy baby. At first I was afraid whether all hospital shit traumatized him. But thank goodness my worries are unreasonable, he thrives and he is growing so fast…my little hero. The picture above is from mommy group from midwives’ practice. They also have their birth stories, and it is so nice to hear theirs and it has made me feeling normal. The struggle to breastfeed their babies, how tired we are, and our worries for tiny little things our babies have. It is so nice to have these ladies around to discuss
baby things. And yes, motherhood is darn hard!! Especially those sleepless nights..oh yeah…nevertheless, I enjoy it so much!! These moments happen too fast, I want to embrace it, to feel it, as mindful as possible because I cannot rewind all these things, the good, the bad and the silly ones. And hopefully, we can go to Indonesia next year to see our family.
Well, this becomes a very long post…hahaha..I hope I can make the best out of my maternity leave, and give my baby the best care he needs.
Thank you all for reading this post ☺️☺️ And till next time! Xxx
-Bucket of cherries-
“A proud momma”