Are You Mr Bean or Are You Plato?

There are bunch of things I learn from a relationship, especially a relationship with a western partner (bule). Even though we have been together for 7 years, we still surprise each other from time to time. And these differences actually make our relationship stronger.

Honestly, some things that I used to consider “very Indonesian” do not always have positive outcomes. One example; everytime I meet my Indonesian girlfriends  we talk, talk, and talk the whole time. Yapping away. We always have good times together! Either we cook, shop, or just hang out in a cafe or at one of the girls’ house, we always have good times  🙂 Sadly, we do not do this as often as we want since we are very busy with our jobs or study. And after we meet up, I will go home and my husband will ask how it was and I will answer it was great and fun. And he later will ask again about some details about this girlfriend and that girlfriend. And there will be a pause there, shit..I have no idea. We do not talk about this and that! and my husband will say, ” how come? you girls had been gone for 6 hours long and did not even ask about important stuff? ” . No. Well..kind of..but not literally…ah, crap.

Photo on 2013-02-02 at 23.36

I have to admit, nearly 5 years ago when I was still a newbie in this country I did not have many friends. After a while I collected quite a number of good friends who were mostly expats or foreign students. We loved to hang out or just chatted but soon I realized that although they were young the topics in our conversations were deep and always interesting because of its diversity, we talked about cultures, politics, religions, society issues and many more. I was actually a bit shocked of how broad I became. I was more of a shy thinker myself but with these kind of friends I was kinda forced to think larger than my usual mediocre conversations and to be more outspoken. Alright, back home we do not talk sensitive matters like politics with our friends. If we do, we do not really talk about it seriously like debating or with good arguments. It is always casual. It is OK because it is nice to preserve a general conversation sometimes. But, I must admit deep shit talks are also great!

My husband is a thinker. And I think if he was born in another life he would be a philosopher. Don’t get me wrong he is also a very funny man, impossible and a clown too. If we talk, we like to really express our deep feelings and I learn from him to use words to convey my deepest feeling. Something that I’ve banned myself from for a loooonngg time because I was afraid nobody would understand it. I can say that our relationship has been the touch point for me to be able to express the true of myself. There you go, another one beautiful thing of being in a marriage/relationship. Thus, J cannot understand why I do not talk about important things with my friends when we are together. I have no idea! I think being Indonesians we are so used to talk about casual matters, perpetual jokes and self-pity mocks and try to avoid any possible conflicts. We are sometimes serious, but most of the time we are just a bunch of desperate comedians. So, in other words I love having funny and/or intelligent friends. Both I can have some laughs with and good conversations with 🙂

4-up on 2011-01-03 at 20.57 #5

{ Photobooth moments }

There are jokes that are not appreciated in our household though. For instance; it is never funny to call someone for his/her body appearance even for a sweet nickname. So when I met a bunch of new girls last week for the first time, and one of them implicitly called me fat I was shocked. Why? She asked me why I did not want to have a proper dinner, and told her that I had eaten before I came to this meeting. And her response was, “Yes of seeing your body, I assume you need a lot of food” . I muted in disbelieve, what have I done to this person that she was rude to me?  And she laughed it off and told, it was a joke and don’t be such a Dutch about it. I was mad deep inside and did not smile at all to her “jokes”. Not only she did not apologize for being rude, she even told me not to be such a Dutch. Well darling, my husband is a Dutchie and your lover is a Dutchie too and I really do not know what you are laughing about. Well..that was my first and last meeting with that girl because clearly she was rude and ignorant. Especially after that she kept on bashing Dutch people and the Netherlands…and again teased me because I chose to eat some bitterballen for snacks and repeated her “jokes” on me.  That moment I had never been so sure about friends thing. I’d never be friends with this kind of person. I left them and never returned.

Ah enough with that sad story. Now I want to know, are you more of Mr. Bean (funny) or are you more of Plato (thinker) ? Or maybe in between? :p



17 thoughts on “Are You Mr Bean or Are You Plato?

  1. hmm, pengalaman nggak enakmu mirip sama pengalamanku juga di sini ;p dan sama spt di sana, org2 sini juga ngga biasa bikin joke yg berhubungan dgn penampilan org lain, no matter how “harmless” it may seem. it’s considered very rude. kyknya emg cuma org Indonesia (atau Asia?) yg biasa begitu deh, bikin komen nyakitin soal penampilan luar seseorang yg aku ngga pernah ngerti maksudnya apa, trus berdalih bahwa itu cuma “bercanda”…

    i guess that makes me a thinker 😀 but i still love Mr. Bean!

    • Totally agree. Seriously, gw gak ngerti apa hubungannya apakah kamu gede/ceking/gemuk/pendek/putih/tanned bisa mempengaruhi kamu sebagai individu. Gw orangnya cukup humoris tp tetep lho jokes yg kayak gini bener2 ga lucu & ga bikin ketawa.

      Wah, what a nice combination dong!:D

  2. Oppie,
    How rude of her to call you name! What a shallow person. Back in Indonesia I had long deep conversations with various topics with my girlfriends. Indonesian women I hang out with here umm, prefer to talk about fashion, latest gossips as I told you when we met in April. That’s why I don’t see them often, only for a laugh and a bite.

    Good for J he is interested in your circle. What a nice husband he is. And yes, it is exciting to discuss more subjects and broaden your horizon with friends. Can’t wait to do that with you somewhere in July! Then you can tell me whether I am Mr Bean or a female Plato.

    • I used to have a group of girlfriends back home with whom I shared my ideas with but now we dont have/barely contacts with them anymore (such a pity). It is kinda tricky here to build friendship and I know it will take some time to finally have solid friendship w/ new friends in a new country. Luckily I have a couple of good friends already! 🙂 Yes yes I cannot wait till next month for our meet up!! liefs.

  3. hehehe iya baru sadar kalo orang Indo ngobrol itu banyakan emang ngegosip, bukan ngobrol yang berbobot. Tapi mungkin perlu dimaklumi yahh, soalnya hidup di Indo ini aja udah berat banget perjuangannya jadi marilah membicarakan hal yang ringan-ringan aja daripada ngomongin negara, politik di Indonesia yang ujung-ujungnya bikin mencak-mencak sendiri 😀

    Dan memang cuma di Indo yang jadiin fisik sebagai bahan joke atau basa-basi busuk kalo ketemu. Sangat gak lucu dan rude

    • bisa dimengerti sih klo ngomongin keadaan politik di negara sendiri emang bikin stress hahaha. Iya padahal mereka yg ngasi komen kyk gt jg ga pernah suka kan kalo di sentil balik dengan jokes yg sama? Mbok ya udah di stop aja ya basa basi busuk gitu..heran deh.

  4. Ehm… abis baca ini gw pikir-pikir, iya juga yah. Kayanya orang indo doang yg punya panggilan sayang “endutku” atau “tembemku” gitu. Ga pernah denger temen-temen lokal gw manggil lakinya pake “my fat hubby” atau “chubby”.
    Anyway, gw suka banget sama photobooth moment kalian!!

  5. Popppppppppp, ih bener bgt ya km. Pas pertama join dgn temen2 matt aku berasa jauhhhhhhhhh bgt. Mrk ngobrol serius apalagi soal politik, khususnya yg org belanda. Kemaren si double G sampe bawain aku film tentang indo pas dia mudik ke belanda. Abis nonton kita diskusi, duhhhh aku malu bny gak tau soal sejarah kita tapi…….. mrk gak ngetawain loh kalo aku gagu ( beda ma orh kita yg bakalan ngejekin). Yg ada skr malah support aku buat lbh bny baca sejarah n nonton film trus diskusi. Ahhhhhh aku ketinggalan bny.

    Kalo km mau fillmnya nanti aku copy n kirim utk kamu, sapa tau tertarik nonton hehe.

    Btw foto kalian lucu sekaliiiiiiiiiii dan kamu cantik koq, tujes aja temenmu itu hihi *dikemplang*

    • Oh ya filem apa nih?kali aja gw bisa beli disini atau jangan2 gw udah nonton? anak muda disini biasanya emang interested banget sm dunia luar & kreatif bgt .. Duh loe ngerti bgt kan? gw jg dulu pas disini lum. kaget lho kok mereka tau bgt sejarah bangsa kita ngelebihin kita nya? sumpah pas gabung ma temen2 baru rasanya .. at last! gw bs diskusi bnyk tanpa takut salah ngomong/dicap sok tau atau malah bego.Hahaha, si noni makasih atas kesetiakawanan anda lho ya *poles gincu merah*

  6. heeeh itu cewe orang mana Pie? kok ga punya manner bgt yaaa? parah..

    kalo sama temen2 disini aku lebih terbuka ngomongin masalah yg rada sensitip pie.. kl di indo kok males yaaa.. kadang ada yg sensitip bgt

    • Manner nya emang gada banget be tp ya sutralah gw ga bakal ketemu lgi ma doi..hiii..Doi dari sebuah pulau dekat sama bollywood sono be, jd kayaknya fisik tuh emang penting bgt & dijadiin jokes bgt kayaknya..entahlah..aturannya mah semua orang ga bs disamaratain bisa ngerti jokes dia ya? Ih lucky you be..disini gw ada 1 sahabat yg deket & bs ngomong ttg apa aja juga, grup temen yg laen sih biasanya kita suka ngomongin ide2 kreatif. Tp gw bersyukur sih bs punya bbrp temen baik disini, ga gampang cari temen ya be? 🙂

  7. YESSSS!!! So freaking true.
    Di indo itu paling restricted ngomongin AGAMA, RAS dan SEX. Kalo ngomongin agama katanya fanatik, kalo ngomongin ras katanya rasis, kalo ngomongin sex katanya “cewek gak bener” WTF.
    And it is also true kalo lo tinggal ke luar negeri (khususnya di tempat tinggal orang bule) pasti pikiran langsung terbuka. Jangan diitung singapore lah ya pie, secara aunty2 sini pemikirannya lebih sempit daripada lobang idung Heidi Klum. Tapi dari semua Singaporean youth yang gue kenal, mostly semuanya pikirannya terbuka, pas gue tilik2, mereka semua kuliah di UK. Sisanya yang kuliah di kampus lokal thinks like their parents.
    Gue sendiri berpikiran bule karena sejak kecil menkonsumsi segala macem yang bule2 sebutannya gue ini generasi MTV lah dan nyokap gue liberal.
    Pacar gue pikirannya sempit dan nggak bisa ngomong ala plato… sampe dia pindah ke amrik. Balik2 he’s a different man.
    Emang lingkungan itu penting banget buat perkembangan otak kita sendiri yan pie. Kalo tiap maen isinya cuma gosip ajaaaa otak kita yah segitu2…. tapi kalo deep talk yah pasti berkembang. =)
    For me, I’m 100% towards plato. Not only because Mr. Bean is goofy and weird, but also because I love deep talks and all the philosophical bullshits I always wrote. hahaha.
    But maybe I’m a plato who likes to bitch around and have fun too! =D
    Gue selalu ngebedain “true friend” dan “just a friend” kayak gini… Kalo gue ngomong di depan dia masih pake filter kayak nggak bisa jujur soal opini gue atau hidup gue yang emang ‘nggak indo banget’ (krn takut di judge) berarti they’re just a friend.

    • Indeed May…disini jg kalo temenan sama orang2 indo (biasanya ya) mereka nge-judge,ngegosipin, ga rela bgt liat orang laen sukses,dan temanya pasti ga jauh dari materi (baca: baju/fashion, rumah, liburan, etc) just like mba Yoyen described above. Untung gw punya 2 sahabat indo disini yg jauh dari itu. Salut May sama Bandi yg bisa ngerubah his way of thinking. Dan betul, environment emang jadi salah satu faktor penentu buat cara berpikir, tp tentu aja ada faktor lainnya juga. Gw suka banget sama orang yg dares to speak out her opinions..bravo! and that goes for you, girl! 😀

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