Green Green Grass

This year I am trying to write more posts and to blog walk more. Although sometimes it seems impossible due to my hectic schedule but so far it goes quite OK. I started blogging in 2008 on Blogspot, mostly to release my frustration as a newbie living in a new country. I did not try to write for readers, and I did not want to share it to people, it was more like my online journal. If I read them back now, I get instantly a headache 😀 And then when things got a bit easier for me with the study, my job and I was getting more acclimatised with living abroad, I made this blog. I am now writing about my deeper feelings, opinions and ideas I have about life in general, or just random holiday pictures. I did not read other people’s blogs, well some..but mostly, I read street style blogs or blogs of friends from school or from work. I do not care with my blog stats, I am more of a secret blogger. But since 2013, something tickles me to be more social in blogosphere. I want to share more to the world 🙂

Have you ever compared yourself to other people? I bet you have done it at least a couple of times in your life. Me too, and I hate it. I think the first time I learned this sick habit was when I was a kid. I’ve noticed that many (older generation) parents loved comparing their children to other people’s children. I don’t know what the reason behind it, please do not ask me. I think they never thought about the consequences and the impacts to their children, though they never meant to do us harm by their comments. It started with an “innocent” remark, ” Look at Minah*, she is a diligent person and likes to study not like you, lazy bum. You should look up to her!” . *Minah is apparently a bright student and has flying marks. Or with a “good-intentioned” remark like this, ” You are getting chubbier, stop eating or else you can be as fat as Minah!” (poor Minah, hehehe. I just use Minah as an example). The parents are obviously trying to help their kids to be a smarter student, or push their kids to achieve better marks at school but this kind of remark is hurtful and does not really help kids. Kids will feel more that they are useless and resentful. The other remark about weight, is absolutely hurtful. To compare your child who is perhaps a little bit overweight to someone who is obviously obese, is just mean. To mock your kid rather than to cook healthier and guide your kid to a better and healthier life style, is a no go. I feel really sorry to parents who still do this to their kids. I am personally not a parent yet, but I was once a little kid. I felt how it was to be compared to someone else, and it was no fun..It was more traumatic, actually. And it made me really insecure about myself. And from that moment on, the compare button grew in me. But, I am a big girl now and I understood long time ago that it was actually considered as a constructive criticism 🙂

As we grow older, this comparison to other people’s life also grows. Maybe not like our parents did back then, but it has surely evolved into something else. For instance, on facebook, we like to compare ourselves with what our friends have. No good. Especially when we do not have our moments. You must know what I mean. A bunch of (facebook) friends update their status obsessively with their far-too-often-mostanticipated-holidays. Or reading friends’ new stuff that they just purchase and then Instagramed them. A stuff that we have been lemming for years and still cannot afford, and these friends purchase it easily just because they can. And there we go, we compare our lives to our friends’ . At least that’s what I and my friends did. I used to check out friends’ pages extensively and drooled over their newly renovated house and their fresh tropical tans they got from a long summer holiday.  I was wondering how on earth they could afford these luxurious holidays while they did not work. And me, I was busting my ass from 9 to 6 every day, I still could not afford to have more than one long holiday each year. Not to mention, all new gadgets and expensive accessories they purchased that surpassed my monthly salary, while themselves did not work as hard as I did. How?! So many why’s and how’s. There were gazillions way how they could get all these stuff and I didn’t. But, the bottom line is: This was just tiring!

I practically just poisoned myself by things I could not afford or do. And I criticized myself too much. And that hurt. Why do we hurt ourselves again and again? WHY? I simply came to a conclusion, that, other people’s lives were happier than ours. So wrong. How on earth did I know this? Just because of the pictures and status they put on their facebook,  I/we then assumed that their lives are much interesting, valuable and happier than our life? There is a proverb in Dutch ,,Schijn bedriegt” (English: looks can be deceiving, or more loosely translated: it does not always look like what it seems). I  am now more focusing on myself, and do not want to waste my energy in something silly 🙂 I am talking on behalf of many people at my age who are unconsciously repeating this rather unhealthy behavior.  Maybe not through facebook, but can also on real life. Over the years, I now finally manage to switch off my “compare” button in my head. I think, it all comes from insecurities we have in us. Everyone has it, and if we are honest with ourselves, we can embrace our insecurities and learn to deal with it.

Count your blessings and be grateful with what you have

Me with my dear friend Indah, went traveling to Italy. We just arrived in Milano. This was our first trip together, and this pic reminds me of how sweet the trip was. Despite how very limited budget we had, it was definitely the best trip I had with my friends. Am so thankful to have this memory with her…

6 thoughts on “Green Green Grass

  1. Haaah.. Emang kalo di compare sama orang lain terus menerus lama2 bisa bikin stress yaa.. Semoga nanti kalo kitapunya anak ga gitu juga ke mereka.. Amiiiin.. 😀

    • Ho oh..stress dan berefek jangka panjang–> ga percaya diri ! tp untungnya semakin dewasa bisa luntur deh ga PD an nya. Tp perlu bgt diinget buat calon ortu untuk ga ngulangin kesalahan yg sama. Iya amiiinnnn jg! 😀

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