My Little Box

What I have been questioning lately..

What kind of person I would have been today if I still lived in Indonesia?

Would I be a career-minded person? Career, money and status are really important in Indonesia. It seems all people are just chasing those 3 things in their whole life. For a general story; Parents will impose their children to go to the best and exclusive schools, suggest them to work at well-known multinational companies in order to get higher salary and pride. Then, once they are settled in with the jobs and get the status then it is the time for their children to marry someone decent or someone who has a “good future” (read: beauty, brain and behavior).

After they get married, then the pressure to reproduce is huge. In every family gathering event you go to, your family will ask, when will you have a baby? And so on.

I am just wondering, how would I response to all of the pressures if I were still there. It is easier now since I live far away from that customs. I know that I am not a typical Indonesian child. I have always arguments and solid opinion about everything. I am very sensitive. I refuse to marry before I feel that I am mature enough and ready for it. My parents understood that well. Never pressured me to settle down, and when I told them I might be living in another country in another continent, they understood me. Even though our relationship is rocky and somewhat difficult sometimes, I know that they understand me. I am a special case when it comes to life decisions. I am difficult for my parents, and I sometimes forget that. I have an ideal image how my parents should act. But in the end of the day, they were raised by a more traditional way, and have old-fashioned upbringings. Sometimes I forget that….

I write this post because a couple of days ago I met with a dear friend whom I haven’t seen around for a year. When I met her, I was so surprised by how different she became. She has a different status of relationship (single) now, but that is not the most important/prominent about her now. How she sees herself towards life has changed, she takes a journey and she enriches herself with things she is passionate about, and she leaves friends behind who don’t fit in her new life. It takes more than courage to do so. What I have for her is only respect.

” Life isn’t about finding yourself. But life is about creating yourself” – unknown

It reflects on me back that, that is exactly what I am doing with my life. I am the one who is responsible to what life I am living in. It is not my friends’ lives I am having, or anyone else! I only live once and all decisions I have taken along the way and I will take, are 100% MY responsibility, and not someone else who’s responsible for it. Screw people who dictate and tell me what I am supposed to do, when you are a mature woman you know best what you need and what fits you. Take people’s opinion as a reference but I’m never obligated to do so. I am going to repeat this mantra to myself over and over. Because just like bathing, motivating ourselves needs to be repeated every day!



4 thoughts on “My Little Box

  1. Yup.. the pressure is overwhelming, sometimes. Apalagi kalau ngeliat temen2 yg udah married dan pertanyaan “kapan married?” itu terus2an ditanya.. Tapi, so far, being single is okay. Cuma nggak tahan sama pertanyaan keluarga, temen, dan orang2 lainnya 🙂

    • Sebenarnya basa basi “kapan married” , “kapan punya anak” dan “kok gemukan” itu harus di larang dan ada UU nya deh ya.. Ya ga sih? :p Ah neng Aan jangan dengerin tuh basa basi norak! Being single is fabulous.

  2. Wow. Every single Indonesian should read this, man!!!
    FINALLY I don’t feel so alone. Haha. Having a ‘different’ way of thinking as an Indonesian is difficult sometimes, but my Dad used to say, Kalau ada 9 orang berpikir sama dan 1 orang berpikir beda, nggak selalu yang 9 orang itu yang benar. But anyhow, it’s not about right or wrong isn’t it? It’s about enjoying our lives regardless of shits people say. =)
    Your posts can’t stop making me awed!!!

  3. exactly! this is not about right and wrong…this is about how one perceives his/her life. Life is not a generic shit. And life is not about majority dictates the non-majority what to do. Thank you May!

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