A Shoulder to Cry On

 Since I’ve been living abroad, I have met many new friends from around the world. Friends from different culture backgrounds, different jobs, different characters, etc.

You are confronted to build a new life in a whole new environment.

It is easy to stick to things you are familiar with, such as; customs you know from your hometown or best friends back home. To start off from the beginning again it is a whole lot of a challenge for a lost soul.

You have no idea to begin with, to engage with the new society, nor just to do normal things such as searching for the best hair salon in town. No information you are known of in this new environment…Yet, it is not the answer to give up hopes and start hating the land, the people and everything in it. Who am I to write these things? well..I am a foreigner who have been living in a city that I used to dislike because I thought, that the people were too rude, very unfriendly and stiff, a country with a system that sucked all of your money out, a culture that has almost nothing in common with my root and the country has too long winter and too short summer. Have to admit, that I not only once or two had thought to move out and to go back to my overly populated hometown, Jakarta.

{ Vlieland }

I have known a handful of people who have prejudices about the Dutch people. That they are very rude, inconsiderate and the most selfish folk  in the world.  Hmm, I totally disagree! When you got to know them more, Dutch people are very pragmatic, yes. They are not the most polite people indeed, but they are simple and efficient. They are also very open-minded, especially those who live in big cities. And one of their positive traits I like is, they are very honest and speak up what they think. Something that is rooted in their culture, I suppose. I have nothing against Dutch people, in fact I am in love with one of them and I learn a lot from their culture.

What I can tell to all people out there, (based on my very own experience) who are living far away from their hometown and their beloved family and friends..suck it up! Think again the reason why you are in that country in the first place. When you figure that out, stick to it and think the plan through. It is not easy to be alone in a foreign country, but trust me, you are not alone! There are always foreigners who are also lonely and need companions, you just have to set a positive mindset and good vibrations will approach you. Believe me, a negative attitude towards life wont bring you anywhere. My other advice is, make friends! Friends make everything a whole lot easier. Where can you find people? well..if you don’t speak the native language you can start to learn it at language schools, then you make a chance to meet new people there. At work, at the gym, or if you hate sport you can join a book club, or anything!  To find someone who has things in common is such a big help during this process.The most important thing is, stop pitying yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, because you are stronger than you think.  When you open up yourself, you will receive more good energy from your surroundings. But, if you keep all the hatred and being pessimistic, a gold in front of you will look like a crap. You see only bad things and block nice things around you.

When maintaining a positive vibe isn’t working out for you, then you should share your feelings with people you trust and understand you the most, and maybe you will get a clearer point of view that has been overshadowed by your own insecurity. Why do I write these things? I was thinking of someone I care about, a dear friend that has the same problem. Relocation is never easy. Especially when it’s somewhere far from your homeland and very different than what you are used to. Just don’t give up because it is not that hard as you think it is. You might just need time for new things that have been happening. And just realize, that you are not alone 🙂


8 thoughts on “A Shoulder to Cry On

  1. Hoi Novi,
    Wat heb je dat mooi verwoord! Misschien kun je over dit onderwerp later een boek schrijven. Je eigen verhaal en jouw tips.
    Al woon ik dan wel mijn hele leven in 1 land, wat je schrijft is mij niet helemaal vreemd, bijvoorbeeld als enig meisje/vrouw studeren, werken leven in een mannenwereld, of het leren omgaan met de grote en ook subtiele(dat zijn de allermoeilijksten) verschillen tussen mijn thuismilieu en dat waar ik later in terecht kwam. Maar voor jou en anderen in jouw situatie is het natuurlijk iets veel extremers, met veel sterkere emoties. Je hebt je moed en doorzettingsvermogen nu al wel getoond, dat loont op den duur.
    Ik heb veel waardering voor jou, je doet het erg goed allemaal!
    Degene waarvoor je dit schreef kan best een voorbeeld aan jou nemen en die wens ik, zo indirect, veel succes en sterkte.

  2. Hoi mam, bedankt voor jouw comment. Ik hoop dat iemand dit stukje leest, iemand die is net verhuisd en voelt zich zo eenzaam en machteloos in een nieuw land. en ik hoop dat dit een beetje oppepper geeft 🙂 haha, als ik de moed heb misschien ga ik ‘s een boek schrijven! zeker weten. je bent ook een van de weinige mensen die mij altijd steunt! zonder jou, het was bijna onmogelijk.. 🙂 xoxox, kusjes

  3. Agree with you 100%! Been there, done that. I also can’t stand to hear another migrants saying that it is difficult to make contact with the Dutches while they still stay at this country and are not keen to make contact themselves.

    I call those people as the ones who physically live here but their mind is still stuck in their home country. Cause no matter where they live, be it The Netherlands, Venezuela even India, those people are actually afraid to get out of their comfort zone.

    Het ga je goed meid!

    • Komen nya nendang 🙂 To do different things than what you are used to is scary. But to judge before you even try? Ternyata ngalamin juga ya ketemu orang yg physically live here but their mind’s stuck in their home countries..oiya, van harte gefeliciteerd met je verjaardag! Beter laat dan nooit hehe .. x

    • Hi Jeanelle, welcome to Bucket of cherries 🙂 thanks for your comment. I agree, I am enjoying my learning process and I just hope that other foreigners who live here will open their eyes that there are many interesting things they can gain and learn from others. Btw I like your blog ! x

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